time didn't stand still...
drivers rushed past...
kids busted through metal school doors...
i shuffled through fallen leaves quickly begging my four-year-olds legs to find common pace...
three older children would have searching eyes for this frazzled, late mama.
my phone was still nuzzled between ear and shoulder...
ears sucking in every word of the voice on the other end...
every day routine collided with a redemptive moment...
the voice on the other end said, "It's a little girl!"
bright yellow school buses idle waiting for return riders...
i wave at parents, friends, that i see at 2:45 each day...
legs walking through a routine day...the mind absorbing life-changing words...
no tears could form...
my older children share hugs, glad to relax their minds...
i grant their request to enjoy the playground with school buddies...
watch my children shed backpacks and run off their days-end energy...
knowing pictures of our new little girl are being sent to my computer screen at home...
I keep the secret and let them run...
attempting to engage in normal conversation with other watching mamas...
a normal November day forever cemented in my mind - it was November 4...
with red cheeks and exhausted lungs I lead the little ones to the car...
how will I break this news...
I hadn't rehearsed this part...
how is one creative when they are barely able to enter reality, soak in the moment...
daddy is waiting at home and has viewed the pictures...
shoes come off, bags are opened, homework pages fan out, snacks are requested...
how do I stop the every-day long enough to share the redemption taking place...
I'm numb...want to hide away and see her sweet little face...
I run with computer to the safest place, the bathroom, to be alone...
begging tears to come, begging time to stand still...
the pictures pull up and there she is...
a beautiful little creation...a world away...living her normal day...
no comprehension that she just changed mine...
my life will never be the same...i will embrace her...we will embrace her...
knocks on the door startle me and interrupt my silence, someone needs a drink...
another has an unsolvable math problem...
all need mama to emerge and solve their seemingly urgent crisis...
it's time to break the silence...
I can't play the game between normal and life-changing any more...
they must know...
bodies lounging in the dining room, waiting for the reason they were beckoned...
little eyes full of question...
creativity in this announcement is out of the question...
"how many kids do we have in this family?" I ask...
oldest daughter anticipates the conversation and stands up...
we open the computer...little eyes brighten...they've all caught on...
oldest picks up youngest and twirls in socked feet creating giddy sounds...
they embrace the answer to my question yelling out "FIVE!!!!!"
nothing is official in the legal world...
but hearts can commit in the waiting and only hope for this to become reality...
people ask, "What was it like when you received the call?"
time didn't stand still...
snacks were still served, dishes were cleaned, table was cleared...
conversations of every day life took place...
but somewhere deep inside I saw afresh the kindness of a redeeming Creator...
I am humbled as I look at her face...
and I will never be the same...
