Three loops remain!

The loops of our chain have been cut off daily and only three remain. A chain that used to hang from ceiling to floor has disappeared before our eyes and now it barely "hangs" at all. Tuesday is creeping into view and eight large bags cover our bedroom floor just begging to be zipped so as not to lose all their contents! 253 pills fill the orange bottles on our counter. Hopefully, these pills are more potent than the mosquitoes bite and keep Malaria away. We are processing a lot of different emotions right now. If I sit long enough, tears pool as I anticipate this journey. Full of excitement, reality, wonder, anticipation, hope, and love. So honored to walk this path of life. Life...a gift!

Questions about the plane ride, red soil, and the land of gorillas fall off our kids tongues. Questions about the sweet little face in the photos that we've been looking at for months. What will her voice sound like? What will she look like sleeping? Will she be mild or wild or some personality in between? Will she like the stuffed monkey with vibrating musical tail that the kids picked out for her? Will she be afraid? Will the warm sun be soothing to our skin or will we return crispy like bacon from its intensity? So many questions. A lot of life to be experienced. A little girl to love.

3/27

On March 27, 1790, the shoelace was invented. On March 27, 1884, the first long distance telephone call was made in the US from Boston to New York. On March 27, 1914, the first successful blood transfusion was done in Brussels. And on March 27, 2012, we have a court date! That's 33 days from today!
We are humbled, honored, super excited, and very thankful!
It's time to book plane tickets and pack bags!

Happy LOVE Day!!!

Happy Valentine's Day from our home to yours!!!

I'm witnessing a miracle!!!

Patience is a virtue. That's what I've always been told. And yet it is difficult. Our whole family is fighting against the impatient worm that wants to eat away at our joy. Every day I keep the phone close and my heart flip-flops with every ring. Disappointment overtakes me when I realize it is only my best friend calling or my husband. Really??? Disappointment sounds from my family when I call them only to ask for a recipe. They want NEWS! The ring tone brings hope of the court date. But no court date so far this week. Maybe next.

The other day I was in line at the grocery store and as usual I had a full cart. With a family of six, I always have a full cart. For some people this is a problem and for some they feel they have the right to budge me because they have fewer belongings. When we first moved here I was oblivious to the city's grocery store culture so I routinely let someone go in front of me. But this week it happened two days in a row. The first day I was thumbing through a recipe magazine while I was waiting for the customer in front of me to check out and out of the corner of my eye I realized there was a grown man trying to sneak in front of me. No big deal, right? I put the magazine down to show the budger that I was purposefully in line, thinking he would back down. But he didn't. He clearly thought he should be able to go first because he could contain all his purchases in his arms. I felt challenged and troubled by how I should handle this situation. This grown man was acting like kids in my son's preschool class. I wasn't sure what to do. Everything in me was saying, "Be kind and let him go first." But the other voice of justice was saying, "This isn't right." So I left the store conflicted. Wandering why he couldn't just wait patiently in line.

Day two at a different grocery store left me shocked when a man walked up to me after I'd been waiting in line and asked, "Can I go first?" Again, this man could carry all his groceries and he seemed oblivious to the five other customers that trailed me in the line. He clearly felt fine about this question and was surprised that I responded with "no." I don't know why I said "no." Or maybe I do. I was tired of everyone feeling they had the right to go in front of me just because I had the full cart. At Aldi they buzz you through so fast anyway a full cart is cleared in a matter of minutes. Anyhow, I left my shopping trip conflicted. Why couldn't he just wait patiently? And, why did this bother me so much?

Why do I share my grocery store frustration? Well, because I'm beginning to sympathize with my budging companions. My patience wants to slide down the conveyor belt and shimmy out the automatic doors. My "rights" seem a little more important than others' these days and I just wish I knew the right person to ask, "Can I go first?" "Can I have my court date?" "Did someone forget about me?" Why can't I just wait with patience. Because waiting is hard! And it is not natural!

So on the days when His peace fills me even when the phone has been silent, I know I'm witnessing a miracle. And on days when I clutch the phone tight begging it to make a sound, I moan to Him who spins the world. To Him who gives hope with each new day. To Him who daily fills my lungs with air. Without Him I'm a budger wanting my "rights." But with Him I will miraculously wait my turn.

God doesn't come and go. God lasts.
He's Creator of all you can see or imagine (even the little girl I want to hold across the globe).
He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath.
And he knows everything (he knows her needs), inside and out.
He energizes those who get tired (dang, I'm tired),
gives fresh strength to dropouts.
For even young people tire and drop out,
But those who wait upon God get fresh strength. (Ok. I will trust!)
They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
They run and don't get tired,
they walk and don't lag behind.
Isaiah 40:28-31

Ready, Set, GO!!!!

Room Ready. Check.
Her little clothes washed. Check.
Immunizations. Check.
Passports. Check.
Got the ok from kids school. Check.
Dossier copied. Check.
Summer clothes pulled out. Check.
Suit for Matt. Check.
Ties for boys. Check.
Dresses for girls. Check.
Diapers/wipes purchased. Check.
Donations gathered. Check.
Water filter, bug spray, sun screen. Check. Check. Check.

We wait for the official court date...
Courts reopen next week, maybe we'll hear something then...
Praying for peace in the waiting...

Hopefully the next post will say: Plane Tickets Purchased. CHECK!!!

labels

it was 4 am when the bathroom call rustled me conscious...now it's 5 and the mind won't stop writing. fitting words together, trying to express an honest thought. why now?

throwing on robe, i sneak the computer to a dark corner of the house hiding from any other bathroom seekers. words matter, i guess, and yet they stump me. that is the thought that lures me out of bed to the key pad to write down any sensible thoughts before they vanish like a dream.

words. labels. meaning different things to different people, different cultures. here's a few i'm pondering...

organic - a word worthy of trust? or a new cliche that eases my conscious to consume anything with this label? the mind resists asking if a pocket is growing while mine is shrinking to purchase this label? is pasteurization organic? contemplating if this label organic really means the same thing to all people, all manufacturers. unsure i know what it's suppose to mean, but it's popularity is unmatched, that I know. and a label to cling to when i feel insecure, when lazy parenting finds me unwilling to give focused play. at least they are filled with the organic to guarantee their longevity. right? webster defines it as "of, relating to, or derived from living organisms." this definition describes the water in many countries around the globe yet i know the effects of drinking it. my confusion is honest and obvious. on to another word...

white- the color of my robe and the color of my skin? a color and a person? me? how and when did light translate to white? what is really at the root of this label? is this my identity to the One who gave me life or merely a human label to define something deeper than the outward tent that keeps my organs contained? does it reek of privilege? emptiness vibrates from it as it is void of sharing history or heritage. or does it? and it's counterpart, caucasian, a word beckoning for the use of the spell check every time.

black - i tread upon this carefully for i have never felt the effects, positive or negative, of this word defining me. (remember, i am the white robe??) each morning i lather the beautiful golden brown skin till is glows and wonder why it's called black? or is it? does black define a shade or something more intense with greater emotion? does brown outer tissue make one black? again, i ask this honestly trying to understand the rules of the imposing cultures. am i speaking of one's identity with this word? i seek to understand, to be educated when i use such labels.

educated, healthy, christian, religion, American... more labels... i'll save my questions for another day...

because my dark corner is being threatened by mornings glow and the bathroom is beginning to call little ones too early for my liking. words are a gift. our ability to define is important. labels, while helpful, often prevent the eye from seeing what is truly underneath. sometimes murky waters lie quiet below culturally accepted labels. whether i'm embracing or casting a certain label i must stop long enough to ask why.

a wise women once said "everything will fall under a label eventually" but she also said "don't fence me in."

that day

time didn't stand still...
drivers rushed past...
kids busted through metal school doors...

i shuffled through fallen leaves quickly begging my four-year-olds legs to find common pace...
three older children would have searching eyes for this frazzled, late mama.

my phone was still nuzzled between ear and shoulder...
ears sucking in every word of the voice on the other end...
every day routine collided with a redemptive moment...

the voice on the other end said, "It's a little girl!"
bright yellow school buses idle waiting for return riders...
i wave at parents, friends, that i see at 2:45 each day...
legs walking through a routine day...the mind absorbing life-changing words...

no tears could form...
my older children share hugs, glad to relax their minds...
i grant their request to enjoy the playground with school buddies...
watch my children shed backpacks and run off their days-end energy...

knowing pictures of our new little girl are being sent to my computer screen at home...
I keep the secret and let them run...
attempting to engage in normal conversation with other watching mamas...
a normal November day forever cemented in my mind - it was November 4...

with red cheeks and exhausted lungs I lead the little ones to the car...
how will I break this news...
I hadn't rehearsed this part...
how is one creative when they are barely able to enter reality, soak in the moment...

daddy is waiting at home and has viewed the pictures...
shoes come off, bags are opened, homework pages fan out, snacks are requested...
how do I stop the every-day long enough to share the redemption taking place...
I'm numb...want to hide away and see her sweet little face...
I run with computer to the safest place, the bathroom, to be alone...
begging tears to come, begging time to stand still...

the pictures pull up and there she is...
a beautiful little creation...a world away...living her normal day...
no comprehension that she just changed mine...

my life will never be the same...i will embrace her...we will embrace her...
knocks on the door startle me and interrupt my silence, someone needs a drink...
another has an unsolvable math problem...
all need mama to emerge and solve their seemingly urgent crisis...

it's time to break the silence...
I can't play the game between normal and life-changing any more...
they must know...

bodies lounging in the dining room, waiting for the reason they were beckoned...
little eyes full of question...
creativity in this announcement is out of the question...
"how many kids do we have in this family?" I ask...

oldest daughter anticipates the conversation and stands up...
we open the computer...little eyes brighten...they've all caught on...
oldest picks up youngest and twirls in socked feet creating giddy sounds...
they embrace the answer to my question yelling out "FIVE!!!!!"

nothing is official in the legal world...
but hearts can commit in the waiting and only hope for this to become reality...
people ask, "What was it like when you received the call?"

time didn't stand still...
snacks were still served, dishes were cleaned, table was cleared...
conversations of every day life took place...
but somewhere deep inside I saw afresh the kindness of a redeeming Creator...
I am humbled as I look at her face...
and I will never be the same...